


I hate and love YOU

by Pyrmmo



Category: You Series - Caroline Kepnes, you - caroline kepnes
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Hate, Jealousy, Lemon, Love, Murder, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Oral Sex, Possessive Behavior, Sex, Smut, Stalking, Yandere
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:59:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17348201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyrmmo/pseuds/Pyrmmo
Summary: I want you.When you come to my bookstore one day, I never imagine that it would come this far, all the things you made me do for love, all the things I would not have done if it had not been for you. You made me do such horrible things, all for you.





	1. Chapter 1

There you were, standing so close, yet so far.  
I could reach out my hand and touch you, but that would be foolish of me, I could not risk that. I could not risk losing you already, scaring you off. But you are walking down the sections of M, and to be precise the fantasy section, what are you looking at? I wonder. I can just see you from the cash register, as you take out a Sarah J. Maas book, my heart skips a beat. You are biting your lip when you (like a pro) open the book at that chapter. I can see it from where I am standing, you know the book. It amuses me a lot, I never thought that I would find someone, who knew one of my favourite authors like that. What other things do you like? What books are your favourites? I want to know who you are! Slowly, you move through the racks of books, looking at some of all the authors and books.  
"Mark, could you please look after the cash register, I have to put some books back on the racks."  
"Sure boss," Mark says, as he approaches me, and sends me that weird smile. I never truly understood why I employed him, but he does the job and never asks me any questions. I take the books that have been left at the desk, and slowly as a predator, I try to find you again.  
And there you are, secretly reading in a book. Your blonde hair falls down even though it barely reaches your shoulders. I really want to run my fingers run through it. But I contain myself, instead, I clear my throat and mark my arrival to you. The first thing you do is pull your hair back and look up at me.  
"Sorry, but do you need help?" I ask carefully, I try to smile a little bit to you, which you seem to like, because you smile with your teeth back to me, I like that. You are shy, I can see that because you look in my eyes and then at the books, you are cute.  
"I was looking for a good fantasy author, I read Sarah J. Maas. Is there any you could recommend?"  
You smile to me, only to me and it makes my heart skip a beat. I clear my throat again and look at all my books, I love fantasy books, I would even go so far as to say that they are my favourite genre. While I look through the books, I see that you are biting your lip, again. It might drive me nuts, because you are basically inviting me to fuck you in the stacks.  
"Ever read anything from Leigh Bardugo?" I ask you, and you simply shake your beautiful head.  
"No, I haven’t.” You say, and looks at the book I found for you, then again you look into my eyes, you seem desperate.  
I like that you are desperate, I like the thought of you naked. I want you naked. You look down on the book I found for you, called Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo, it is one of my favourites, and I personally would recommend it to everybody. But with you I want you to read it, you must read it. I smile to you and you smile back, then you take the book and I nod towards the cash register and we walk together towards it.  
Mark the fish is still standing there, packing the last books for a customer. I walk behind the cash register and take the book, which you are handing me. Quickly I enter the price and look up to you. You’re so much taller than me, but I like it, it makes me want to be held in comfort in your strong arms. I can see that you are working out, your arms are strong, and you back is unbreakable, or so it looks like.  
“Cash or card?” I ask you, and you bit your lip again, looking at Mark this time, before you pull out your credit card. Oh, you are a naughty one, I think for myself, because I can clearly see the money in your wallet, you could pay me with cash, but you want me to know your name. I take your credit card and look at the name quickly Guinevere Maria Barret, wow what a name, not many people are named with such a sophisticated name. “Guinevere?”  
“Yeah I know, I never use it really, my friends just call me Maria.” You tell me, you are already telling me personal things, could it be more wonderful?  
“I see,” I reply, and presses the necessary buttons on the card reader. We could marry each other, and I could have the same surname as you, we would both be a Barret, we would have children (somehow) and we would be together.  
“What about you?” You ask me suddenly.  
“I’m sorry what?” I did not hear your question. I was dreaming about our future together.  
“Your name?” You ask me again.  
“Persephone Beaufort, but people call me Beau.” I just say it as it was nothing. I want to hear you say me name, I really do. But you take your book that you just paid for, and look at Mark, before you turn your attention to me again.  
“Aren’t you supposed to wish me a good day?” You say with a cheeky smile and look me directly into my eyes.  
“Have a wonderful day Maria.” I say, before you turn around and walk out of my store. I look at your ass, it’s wiggling to the rhythm you are walking in. You open the door and look back at me, smiling with the same cheekiness as before, and then you walk away, towards the subway.  
And I just stand here, looking at you, totally hypnotised.  
“Man, she was a hottie.” Mark says and looks down at me, yes, I am not that tall, before he claps my shoulder. “You okay boss?” There they are again, the worried eyes, but the same smile, that would make most women melt. Yes, Mark is handsome, with the brown hair and a little tan skin, he is the type of person that you would not think worked in a bookstore. But he is not you, Maria, he does not even read books.  
“Yeah, everything is fine.” I simply tell him, before I turn around to go down to the basement. “I will be in the cage, if you need me.”  
He nods and guards the cash register, like his life depended on it. I walk down the stairs to the basement, down to the cage. And with the cage I mean, a huge glass room with old books in it, the previous owner had it made for the books and I really like it, the basement is also sound proof, so nobody would be disturbed when they were reading. I take my current book, Vicious by V. E. Schwab and begin to read.  
But only five minutes pass before I come to think about you. I fish my phone up from my pocket and open Google, then without hesitating I write your name in the search field. And there you are, every account set to the public eyes. I open your Instagram page and look at all your photos. There are photos of you dog, friends and the place you live, I know that place very well and I make sure to take a screenshot of it. You like to compete with your dog, even though it is a small dog, you still like it. It is goddamn everywhere on your page, I am about to close your page, when a new post comes up. It is a picture of the book I found for you. I read the following text that you wrote to it.  
So excited to be reading this!  
And that is it, nothing about the good bookstore you went to and nothing about me. I thought we were something, I thought it was you and me.  
I sigh and look at the clock, time to close the store. When I come up to Mark, he is looking at me with the same smile. I wonder why he is always smiling like that, but I also wonder about you Maria, what are you doing right now, are you telling your friends about me? Thinking about the chemistry we had together?  
Maybe I should go for a walk later?


	2. Chapter 2

I would not have thought that it would be so easy to find you Maria, but there you were, standing inside your apartment. Which by the way is a showroom Maria, you are walking around your room, talking with your dog, because apparently, that is what you do. You have curtains, but you are not using them at all, which means that I can have full access to your life from your windows. First, how do you even afford living here? Second, you ever heard about the word privacy? You are walking around in your red underwear, it is lacy and it makes me wet Maria, I am standing on the street, and all I want is to jump at you and eat you.  
You like to write, I can see that because you won the apartment in some lottery, where you had to write a short story. It is small, and you often complain about it on your Instagram stories, which I happen to check every time, you post something. I, of course, had to make a fake profile, so you would not suspect me. Luckily for me, your account is public, so everyone can see what the fuck you are up to. It somehow makes me a bit angry Maria, I do not like that you are displaying your life like that, I mean some creepy stalker could find you and do things to you, I do not want to think about.  
You see Maria, I am only here to protect you from all the evil in this world, I want you to know that it would be you and me.  
I decide to go home, for now, Maria, you are trying to sleep, but you are still looking at your phone, probably texting your friends about me. I can see your big hands and fingers move over the keyboard on your phone, they are fast. I wonder about a lot of things about you Maria, one of them is, what it would be like if those fingers worked their magic on me.  
You are opening your bra and you throw it away. Seriously, you know you live in a glass house, right? Your windows are just above ground level, people could just look into your windows and you are not even using your fucking curtains. Why do you make me so angry? Why must you make me like this? And your fucking dog is laying in your bed, I should be the one to be in your bed, the one to warm you at night Maria.  
I will make you mine, no matter what I must do.  
Days go on Maria, and I am just standing out here to watch over you. You did not come back to my bookstore, which made me sad, I waited for you, I really did Maria, but you did not come, so I am here again, this time in some fancy dress I bought (Normally I never wear dresses, but this is for you Maria). You are also in a fancy dress, and you wear makeup, I do not like you with makeup on. When we will be together, you will not have to wear any of it, you will not have to put up a façade, you can be you when you are with me.  
You talk to your dog before you take on your jacket on and go out of your apartment. You walk down the stairs and walk further down the street. Like the good person I am, I follow you to where ever you are going. Is it a party with your friends? Oh, by the way, your friends, so-called Ruth and Patricia, both rich as hell, while you fight for survival, I do not even know how you can afford your living style. But when we will be together, you will not have to worry about living, I have a car and a bookstore, I am everything you need.  
I walk behind you until we reach the subway, we walk into one and then we ride together. I do not even notice which stop we are at when you walk out of the subway and I follow you. I keep a good distance to you, while you walk with your head down on your phone. You do not even notice me at all and it makes me smug.  
We walk into the same bar, but I keep my distance from you, even though I want to take you home or ask you to take a drink with me. But there they are, your friends, will you tell them about me? Is it time now? I wonder about a lot of things about you Maria, first, who are you? Then again, I know your social media, but is that the same shy woman I met in my bookstore? The same woman who wanted to fuck me, who was biting her lip sensually and looked into my eyes?  
“Hey, Maria!” Ruth shouts, and hugs you, she smiles like the sun and you smile the same way. It makes my heart twist and turns in some ugly way, I should be the one that you smile to like that. “So glad you could come!”  
“Thanks, Ruth!” You reply, before you sit down and look at your friends.  
“So, anything new in Maria land?” Patricia asks you. Then you smile, you are so goddamn pretty when you smile like that, it makes my knees melt.  
“I met someone,” you start with, my heart skips a beat and I hold my breath before I look really at you.  
“Tell us!” They both shout at the same time, taking one of your hand in their dirty hands.  
“He works in a bookstore.”  
He? You got to be kidding me, right? What about me? Did you even notice me? Maria, I thought we had some chemistry, I thought…  
“What is his name?” Patricia asks very silently, almost a whisper. You look at her, and then you lift your shoulders, like you do not know.  
“I don’t know his name, we just had chemistry,” you say, as you sip to your drink, your second drink. “There was also this woman, she was really sweet but a bit weird.”  
How could you? I’m almost crushing my drinks glass, but I wonder why you would say something like that, it was me who you flirted with, not fucking Mark. It was me who helped you and made sure, that you got a good book, and you call me weird?!  
“Was she an old woman?” Ruth asks in a laugh, but you simply shake your head. It feels like you have killed me, Maria, how could you do such a thing to me? Is it because I am a woman too? Are you afraid that I might not give you what you want? But trust me, Maria, I will make sure that you will love me.  
And so, the night goes on, you drink more and more, and I want to jump in and pull you away, I do not like when you drink, I want you sober. You are not you, when you are drunk, and it makes me sad Maria. I only had two drinks, but I just drink them to blend into the crowd. But times goes by and you are drunker than ever, and after you say goodbye to your friends, you walk towards the subway.  
First, Maria the clock is over midnight, and you go for the subway? You might as well ask everyone around to rape you, but that is why I am here, to protect you from such things. Second, you are too drunk to take the subway, because the way that you stand so close to the tracks makes me nervous, a lot. You are looking at your phone, texting some message, to who I do not know anything about, it annoys me. Yet you are so close to the edge that my palms are sweaty.  
You are tripping, almost drops your stupid phone, why are you even so busy with your phone, who the hell are you texting?! I look at you before it happens.  
You lose your phone and then you fall, down on the tracks. You scream and panic. In a rush I run over to you, look down at you.  
“Help me!” You scream and look up at me. Quickly I kneel and take your phone in my pocket, without you noticing, just before I reach my hand out for you.  
“Take my hand!” I yell at you, and at this moment Maria, I am not angry at you at all, because you need me, and I like that feeling.  
But you are stupid right now, it is the alcohol to blame, it makes you not think, not using your clever head. And you do not take my hand, no you just look around.  
“My phone! Where is it?!” You scream again, it’s in my pocket, I think, still with my hand reached out for you.  
“Just take my hand!” You are irritating me right now, just fucking see, see the saviour right in front of you. “Do you want to die?!”  
And then you look at me, in the distance I can hear the subway train coming and it makes me panic. Come on Maria!


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of the train as it passes and the wind it blows, so my hair flies around. But all I can care about is you in my arms. I want to scream of happiness, holding you feels so unreal and I am high on a cloud, you are mine. You are crying, but I hold you tight and whisper to you, whisper sweet words that it is okay.

“Thank you, thank you so much.” You say repeatedly and tighten your grip around my arm. It feels so good Maria, or not the way that you cry, but the way you are so dependent on me, it makes me high.

“Let’s get you in a cab,” I tell you with a sweet voice before we slowly begin to walk away from the subway. When the fresh air hits us, we both sighs, while we walk around to find a cab. I have my arm around your shoulders and you feel so good.

We get in a cab, and you rest your head on my shoulder, and I seriously can not stop smiling, I got you. We ride the cab through the streets, you told the cab driver your address, so we are driving to your apartment first. Time goes on with you in my arms, it feels good, I like it a lot, and you do it too. I can feel that your muscles are relaxed, and you are moaning a bit, and Maria, it makes me goddamn wet, the small moan you come with, it turns me on.

“I’ve seen you before.” You mumble and interrupt my thoughts of you. Well now Maria, you make me fucking nervous, have you seen me outside your window?

“Yeah? Tell me?” I demand in a sweet tone, but my hands are sweaty.

“You’re the woman from the bookstore.” You say and look up at me, then you smile with your teeth, and it makes my heart faint.

“And you were Guinevere?” I ask and take a deep breath.

“Please just Maria,” you add before you kiss my cheek. “My hero.” And now Maria, I want to fuck you right in this cab, as I can with my fingers. But I contain myself and smile to you.

“Anytime,” I say with a cheeky smile, then you put your hand on my thigh and I am hot Maria, I am burning. “Do you have a phone number or?”

“Oh shit!” You yell and fly away from me. “My phone!” You pad yourself everywhere, but I simply look at you. “Did you see a phone?”

“I think it fell on the tracks.” I lie to you, it is in my pocket of my jacket, I can feel it buzzing, some fucking asshole is texting you. And we drive into your street, I can feel my heart being to be heavy again.

“I’m more an e-mail person.” You say and smile again.

“I can add your e-mail then?” I ask and pull my own phone up from my pocket. You take my phone and go into my mailbox, then you add your e-mail.

“Be sure to mail me.” You say as you give my phone back. I am about to say something to you, but we are at your street, and there is a man standing outside, when he sees us in the cab, he knocks at the window and you open the door for him, you know the fucker.

“Hey Maria, where have you been?” He asks, and you sigh deeply.

“I was about to die on the subway tracks when this woman saved me.”

He looks in the cab and looks at me, then he smiles.

“Nice to meet you! I’m Benji, and you’re?” He drags the last words, waiting for my answer.

“Beau,” I say shortly.

“Well thank you so much, Beau!” You are so happy now, why? Is it because of Benji?

“You’re welcome,” I say sweetly to you, looking at you, memorising every single detail about your face, your breast, and your body. I want something to think about tonight, instead of Benji and you.

And then you leave me, out of the cab you go, and I sit back looking at you, swallowing when I see the way you look at Benji, and the way he takes around you. Then my cab drives again, home to myself.

My “home” or apartment, would I more call it. It is bigger than yours, but it fits my needs, it is just in the slump area of the city, and therefore there are some sketchy types here, but everyone knows me. They never question me, and they respect me. They are what I need because they do not care about me at all, as long I do not report them to the police.

I fish your phone up from my pocket, place it on my kitchen table, before I take off my dress because God I hate dresses. But what I would not do for love Maria, and for you. My underwear is black because I love the colour black. It is laces and my bra are not padded, so you could see my nipples if they were stiff, which they are.

I pull my curtains over my windows, could not have a crazy stalker looking in, even though I live on second floor. My fingers snap your phone and luckily for me, you do not have a password for it, so I can access it like that piece of cake I have in my refrigerator. I look first at your Instagram, nothing interesting there, so I move on to your mail and holy shit, this is a goldmine.

I see the mail to your friends, you just mailed them, from your computer of course.

Maria: Guess what? That weird woman I met in the bookstore, well she is actually really nice, and then she is my hero!

Did you just say that? I am your hero?! Maria, you make my body hot, really hot and my fingers wander down my thighs.

Ruth: What happen Maria?!

Maria: She saved my life! But I lost my phone ☹

Patricia: No way! What happened?

Come on tell them what happen. My fingers move my panties aside and begin to work on me, which makes me head not focus anymore.

Maria: I feel on the subway tracks and she pulled me up, luckily for me, she was there.

Patricia: yeah lucky you, what a coincidence, she was there.

Fucking Patricia, burn in hell, bitch! I am about to throw your phone away when it knocks on my door. I jump up and hides your phone behind one of my pillows on my couch. Quickly I take a short kimono around my body, and walk over to the door, I open it but keeps the chain on it, just in case.

And there, just in front of me, I see Mark.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey,” he says, looking at my face. “Can I come in?”  
I nod, before I close the door, and take the chain off the door, then I open the door for him, and he walks in. It is first now, I notice what he is wearing. A dark blue shirt, black jeans, and a leather jacket. He is handsome, I give him that, but he is not you Maria.   
Which reminds me about your phone on my couch, hidden under a pillow. Mark knows how my phone looks like, if he sees your phone, he will be suspicious.  
“Have you eaten?” He asks, while his eyes look down me, my kimono suddenly feels like nothing.  
“No,” I answer him, before I see the plastic bag in his hands, he walks over to my kitchen table, and places the bag on it.   
“Good thing I brought some with me then, I figured, I rather eat together with someone.” He smiles at me and begins to unpack the food, which happens to be Chinese, I love that. I wonder what you and Benji are doing, probably fucking each other. It makes me angry Maria, thinking you would fuck another man, while I am here alone, or I am with Mark, But I wanted to be with you. I look at Mark and the food. “Do you have a plate, Beau?” He asks, and I look him into his eyes, before I walk past him on my bare feet, and take two plates. He called me Beau, and he said it with a sensual voice like you were supposed to do it, but instead, I have Mark.  
“Here you go,” I tell him, as I hand him the plates, he smiles and then distributes the food on the plates. Before he takes them both.   
“I also bought some Cola, it is in the bag, could you take it?” He says as he is heading towards my couch. I sigh and take the two Cola bottles and walk towards him. He sits in it and looks at me before he takes one of the Cola bottles from me. “You don’t have a television?” I shake my head and look around on all my bookshelves. I love books, just like you right? You love books too right Maria? “But you have a computer, right?”  
“Yeah of course.”   
“Can we watch Netflix?” Mark asks, and take a bite of the food, I have not touched mine yet. I find my computer and open it, and then I look at him. “What?”  
“I don’t own a Netflix account,” I tell with a little voice. Why? Why am I suddenly so shy, it is just Mark.   
“Oh, let me log in then.” And then he takes my computer from me and logs into his account. My body feels warm, and it disgusts me. How long has it been since I had sex with a man? It must be a year or so, and here one sits on my couch, and I do think that he wants to fuck me. But the question is do I want to fuck him? “What do you want to watch?” Mark interrupts my thoughts, and I look at him blinking, totally confused.   
“T-The perks of being a wallflower.” I stutter, before my cheeks turn red, and I clench my hands together.   
“They don’t have it,” Mark mumbles. Fuck, I think immediately. Mark looks at me, and then he takes a movie, called The Handmaiden, I think he watched it before. I am cold, my kimono is not really that warm.  
“One second,” I say before, I get up from the couch and go into my bedroom, where I get my big blanket and go back to the couch. Mark looks at me with a jauntily smile, before I drop down on the couch and take my blanket over me. “Sorry, are you cold?” I ask and look at Mark, he just nods and then I put the blanket over him too. Then I with small bites, eating some of the spring rolls he got me.  
We watch the movie, we are about a chunk in the movie when I feel his arm on around me, it pulls me back against him, so my back is up against his chest and wow, he is muscular, why did I never notice it before?   
“The good part comes now.” He says, our plates are on my coffee table, one of his hands moves down and nuzzles my thigh. I can feel his strong hands and it makes my face reddened. And with the good part, he means the sex scene in the movie, I am so swallowed up on the movie that it first when his hand is touching the outside of my underwear that I am pulled back to reality.   
But instead of stopping him, I pull my thighs apart and let his fingers roam down on me, they are touching me first on the outside of my panties, but then they move down and under them. When his fingers begin to circle around me, I lose all senses, it has been so long since someone touched me. When his fingers move further down, and one slides inside of me, I moan and let my hands come backward, for them take a hole around Marks' neck. My mind empties and I moan uncontrollably, it is just one finger and I am almost meeting my doom.   
“Mark.” I moan as I tighten my grip around his neck. I am almost about to cum when he pulls his finger out of me, which makes me moan unsatisfied.  
“Your bedroom, love.” He asks behind his breath, I can feel him and how hard he is, which excites me even more. I point to the room, and before I know of it, he carries me and my blanket, into my bedroom.   
I feel like I am on a cloud, a wonderful one, and I do not want to come down. I cannot remember last time, I felt so horny and so… free. Slowly I kiss his neck, trailing along his jaw, while my hands work to unbutton his shirt.   
What the fuck am I doing? Am I about to have sex with this man that works in my bookstore? I do not know anymore, the only thing I can think about right now is him inside of me. What is wrong with me?! I think for myself, as Marks lays me down on the bed, and begin undressing. I bite my lip, as Mark removes the last cloth on his body and reveals his dick for me.   
Mark crawls over me and opens my kimono, helps me out of it and then he unlocks my bra, he looks at my stiff nipples and licks his lips. Before he pulls my panties off, he then spread my legs, before he kisses my lips. Deeply and then his tongue crawls into my mouth, makes my own dance with his. Out of my eyesight, I can see him pull a condom out and he rolls it on his dick.   
I almost scream when he thrusts into me, I stop breathing and my fingers on his back digs down. Mark moan in my mouth, breathing heavily and begins thrusting if his finger sent me to heaven before, this is so indescribably wonderful. I want to do something, but I cannot, I am trapped in pleasure.   
And he knows it. He can hear it on my moans, which I worship him with. Its been such a long time since I have something, so I am just so fucking tight. Mark keeps thrusting and thrusting, and I almost scream in pleasure.   
At this moment, I do not even think of you, because you probably fucking Benji too. You started cheating on me, and I really needed this, it will only happen this once Maria. After this, it will be you and me, I promise that.


	5. Chapter 5

Fuck my abdomen hurts but in the most wonderful way.   
Mark is snoring behind me, one of his arms around me. I can not sleep anymore, because I think about so many things, but mostly I think about you, are you sleeping safe and sound with fucking Benji?   
Slowly I get out of Marks grip, and I slide carefully around, to be sure not to wake him. I take my kimono around my body, with no underwear underneath, then I walk towards the living room. The first thing I do is to find your phone and open it, you have not posted anything to Instagram, but you have been mailing like a maniac.  
Maria: Omg, Benji just came by!  
Are you fucking kidding me?  
Ruth: Seriously Maria, you must stop seeing him!  
Yes! Finally, someone on my side, I smile for myself and reads on the text messages.  
Patricia: Did you cum?  
Maria: No, I didn’t.  
Trust me, Maria, when we will be together, I will make you cum.  
Ruth: What about him from the bookstore? He wasn’t something or what?  
The guy from the bookstore, by that you mean Mark, and he is sleeping safe and sound in my bed right now. You do not have a chance with him, because I think he loves me.  
But you see Maria, love is tricky.  
I look out in the kitchen, and look at all my knives, I could end this with Mark now, but that would be stupid of me. I could use him to get you, Maria, now see that would be a perfect idea, right? Am I really that evil? But it is for you Maria, I do it all for love because you and I belong together, I know that.   
Back to the mails! I scroll down and read them.   
Maria: I know this sounds weird, but when Benji and I fucked last night, all I thought about was the woman from the bookstore. The one who saved me.   
Yes! I scream of happiness inside my mind, you thought of me while you had sex with fucking Benji! That must mean that I am important for you! I let a small screech out of my mouth and close my eyes in happy thoughts.   
I continue to read your mails.   
Ruth: You mean the weird lady? ☠  
No need to use the skull Ruth, I am just friendly, if you do not get in my way.   
Maria: She turns me on Ruth.  
Patricia: You mean the woman, who just suddenly was there to save you from the subway train?   
Oh, here we go again. The suspicious friend is here again.   
Maria: Calm down Patri, if she hasn’t been there, I would have been dead.   
Yeah, what would you do without me? I am about to read the next mail, when I can hear Mark from my bedroom.   
“Beau?” He calls, his voice is very gentle. I put your phone under a pillow again and rise, walk towards the bedroom and find a sexy looking Mark, with his bare chest free from my blanket. I look at him, and it is first now I can see how muscular he is, he does have a six-pack, which I can see clearly. It somehow makes me blush and I try to look away from him. “Come back to bed Beau.” He demands but in a sugar sweet voice. “Good thing this is a Sunday, so we won’t have to go to the bookstore.” He claims, and looks at me, probably thinking about all the other things we could do.   
I crawl into bed again, and then he is over me in an instant, already undressing me. His big hands' trails along my body.   
“Mark, I” I try to stop him, but he feels so good and the things he does to me, it is amazing, I promised you Maria, but you probably fucking Benji and it makes me angry, and I must get that anger out somehow, and Mark helps a lot.   
“Shh, Beau, relax baby.” He mumbles over my lips before he closes our lips together, it feels good and I moan, how can it be that I am so weak when it comes to this man? I have been so strong and not have had sex with and I did not want to fuck, but here, I can not resist him. He opens my kimono and pulls it away from my body, he is naked too and he pushes me down on the bed.   
I try to think of you Maria, but I just cannot, not when this man moves his delicious lips down on my neck, then further down to my breast, until he sucks my nipple into his mouth and bites carefully into it. As a response I moan to him, my hands move to his hair and wow, I have forgotten how soft it was, I take hold on it and push him closer to me.  
“Relax beautiful,” he whispers, and then licks the inside of my belly button, his hands spread my legs apart and then he takes hold around my body, lifts my abdomen up to him. Mark sniffs to me, before his kisses me down there and I go nuts, I begin to twist and turn, he has not even touched me with his tongue yet.   
“Please Mark,” I beg as he just continues to kiss me. I want this as bad as I want you, Maria, I want him to go down on me and make me scream in pleasure for him. I want him to make me forget about everything about you for some seconds, I want to be free.  
“That’s what I wanted to hear.” He says with his lips against me, and then he let his amazing tongue out to touch me.  
I focus on Mark and forget everything about you Maria, which is nice for a time. I let go of my hate for that you are fucking Benji and not me. I let go of everything.


	6. Chapter 6

We are at the bookstore, Mark and me. We are doing book stuff while flirting of course. I am not that great at it, but it does not seem to affect him at all, no, he seems to enjoy my weakly attempt to flirt with him.  
Not much has happened in the bookstore lately, I wanted to visit you Maria, but Mark has been keeping me busy. I think a lot about you Maria unless when I have sex with Mark, it is the only time my mind empties and I can think about something else than you.  
And just about you, I must do something about Benji and Patri, I must do that. They are in our way and they are obstacles for us. Which reminds me of my uncle Joe, I wanted to tell him about you I really do, but he is currently away that is why I oversee the bookstore. Joe taught me to worship books, in his own brutal way, but this day I am thankful for it.  
And there you are, walking in my bookstore, I stop breathing and look at you, smile with a small one.  
When you see me, you walk towards me and you have that naughty smirk on your face, you walk all the way to me.  
“Hey,” you say, and bite your lip. “You forgot to mail me, hero.”  
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I just stare at your face, before I look down to your hands, you are holding a bag.  
“Sorry, things came in the way…”  
Wow! Such a fucking loser excuse, what am I even thinking? I am such a loser.  
“I got a new phone, so it’s my time to ask you, can I have your mail?” I just blink with my eyes, before I nod, you then hand me your new phone and I write my e-mail in it. You look at me and smile, even more, the same smile you gave to fucking Benji. “I also got you a gift.”  
I look at you surprised, and then I smile for the first time I have seen you today.  
“What have you gotten me?” I ask with a cheeky smile before I lean against you.  
“A doughnut.” You say almost laughing, and hand me the plastic bag you brought with you.  
“Oh really?” I lift one of my eyebrows, and you look at me almost jumping of happiness. “How do you know which flavour I like?”  
“You seem like a chocolate person, so I brought you triple chocolate.”  
I look down in the bag and you look with me, I just look at it, before I look up at you again.  
“Spot on,” I whisper to you, then you squeak and jump in happiness, turn around yourself and I just look at you in wonder. You are my little dancing queen, and it makes me smile in a weird way. “Do you want to go for a coffee, sometime?” And you stop dancing, you just look at me with that weird face, it makes me panic. “If you like coffee,” I add quickly, and then you smile like a big idiot, but you are not an idiot.  
“Sure!” I can see your dimples and it makes my knees melt.  
“Do you mail me?” I ask you, and you laugh sweetly, god I swear that you laugh is like drugs. We already have some sort of inside jokes.  
You nod and then you lean in and kiss my cheek, which makes me wet, a lot. I look at you, and oh god, I can smell myself, how fucking wet I am.  
“It’s the wish me a good day time now Beau.” You say with a smirk.  
“Have a lovely day Maria.” I almost say as a whisper, then you just smile and walk out of the store, and just as first time, you were in the store, I look at your ass, sees it move to the rhythm of your walk.  
Mark joins me later, talking to me, but all I can think about is your kiss on my cheek and our future date. I think about our children and our house together, I think about the first time, I will have my fingers inside you. I think about so many things about you, but I just think about you.  
I love you, Maria, I really do. But as I had said before, love is tricky.  
But I am about to do anything for this tricky wicked love that you make me feel, even if it has to mean I have to do some unforgiven things for you, I will do it.


	7. Chapter 7

Maria: So, are you up to something tonight?   
I scream of happiness inside my apartment and begin dancing, I just got home from the store, and found your mail to me.   
Persephone: Nope, want to go out for a coffee?  
I can not control myself anymore, and I am so happy it is unbelievable. You asked me what I was up to this night, and yes, I am up to you Maria!  
Maria: I was more thinking of a drink maybe? 😉  
The wink smiley! Goddamnit, you are desperate, but I like it. I want to lick your pussy, I want you to feel like a bad girl. I want to make you feel like that you are the best in this world, and I will worship you. I will love you, Maria, give you the love you deserve and not the love that fucking Benji does not give you. I will be the one and only for you Maria because we belong together.   
Persephone: Sure!   
And with that it is settled, we are going on a date today! I find my pretty dress from my closet and then I wear a little makeup, just because I know you will wear a lot, and I do not want you to feel outside. I take on my sneakers, and then I walk out of my door. I promised that we would meet at the local bar, and I walk the way to it with music in my ears. I walk fast to the beat of the music and in no time, I am at the bar. I walk inside and look around, try to find you, but it seems that you are not here yet. So, I order a drink and wait for you.   
And times goes by, first ten minutes (I know I was in good time), then twenty minutes. I am about to mail you, when you come in the door, with no else than your friends, Patri and Ruth. You got to be kidding me, right?! I thought, we were supposed to be just us and not with them.   
You see with the same, and you do not wear nice clothes like me, or wear a lot of makeup. But you come over to me, smiling.  
“Hey!” You say and hug me, and I can smell your perfume, to be honest, I am quite mad at you right now Maria, I thought it would be just you and me.   
“Hello,” I say and let go of you. Your friends come over to us and then they order drinks too after they introduced themselves to me. I, of course, tell them who I am and Patri gives me that fake smile, I can see it, I can smell it on her. She really does not like me at all, I think she hates me.  
“So, it was a miracle that you were there to save Maria that night,” Patri claims, and I just look at her.   
“Yeah, I really don’t know what would have happened if Beau hasn’t been there.” You say and smile to me, which makes it all worth it. You saved me, which makes me so happy and fuck Patri, she can go to hell, I look at you and it encourages me that I have not described you yet.   
Well today, you are wearing a beige sweater and some blue jeans, which makes your ass look like a star. Your blonde hair is just above your shoulders, your brown eyes are shimmering like a thousand stars. You are tall, taller than me and it makes me feel protected and safe, which I like a lot. You are my mountain in the storm I am living in.   
“So, how're things going with your bookstore Beau?” Ruth asks me, while I am dreaming about you and I look at bit confused at her.   
“It’s going fine,” I tell her, and smile to her, I like Ruth a lot more than Patri, maybe because she does not try to figure me out, and Patri might be a problem for us Maria, just like Benji is. Oh, I forgot about Benji for a bit, but I really must deal with him somehow, make him go away from you. I look at you and Ruth before I smile sweetly to Ruth again. “Thanks for asking by the way.”   
The rest of the night just goes on, Patri keeps pumping me for information, but I play it cool. I am not mad at you anymore, you wanted to me to meet your friends, so they could say go for me, and I certainly think that Ruth will do that.   
I often catch you looking at me, and every time I smile to you and one time I wink, and you look away with a little blush. And after some time, you keep my stare, which says so much. But firstly, I really want to fuck you hard, in the way I can do it. Your eyes make me wet and I can not really focus on the conversation, we are having with your friends. And after some time, when it is over midnight and we all have had a few too many drinks, you ask me to walk you home and I smile to you and give you a yes. I can see the hate in Patris eyes and it could not irritate me less than the road I am walking on. You see Maria, Patri is not more than an obstacle for us, and an obstacle is something you can jump over or get rid of, and I might be more fan of the last one.   
As I walk you home to your apartment, we are joking and talking about all sorts of things, until we come to your apartment, I want to go up with you, and I can see you want the same, and you would have asked me, if it has not been for the man there is standing on your doorstep.   
“Maria!” he yells, and then I see him, you got to be kidding me, it is fucking Benji. I stop and look at him, you also stop and look at him.   
“Hey, Benji!” You yell, and you sound happy, before you walk towards him, I just stand here frozen and look at you.   
Before you turn around to me, and your lips move, but there is no sound coming out of your beautiful mouth, you mummers. “Sorry.”  
I just raise my hand and wave at you.   
“I will mail you,” I tell you and then turn around, listen to you as you laugh at some fucking joke Benji comes with. I just walk away from you and as I walk my anger grows, I have to get rid of Benji, somehow and must be for good, so he never gets in our way again.


	8. Chapter 8

So, Maria, I will tell you what I did with Benji, I will tell you how I fucked up, but I made him go away.  
Benji or Benjamin, as his name is, owns a food company, where he claims that this food is somehow magical and healthy as fuck. Anyway, it was easy contacting him, I just told him I was a very popular food blogger, and he bites the hook. I told him to meet me behind my bookstore, and he did not recognise me at all Maria, it was so easy.  
“So where was it we were going to take the pictures?” He asked, and I told him it was in this basement I rented, that I had my studio in. I tried to smile a lot to him, I really did Maria. Because the next step was going to be the hard one.  
I finally lured him down into the basement, and when he finally realized that something was wrong, I hit him, Maria, hard in the back of his head, so he fainted, and there was blood everywhere, but I were quick and dragged him all the way to the cage.  
The same cage, Joe locked me in and feed me with food through a shaft, I cannot remember how long I was in there, most of the summer I think, and I just spent time reading all the classics he had in there, I think I was seventeen.  
But back to Benji! I dragged him into the cage, he was heavy, even though he is skinny, but try to add the dead weight to him. I got him into the cage, where I had removed all the books, just in case he would go crazy in there when he would wake up. I have placed a bucket for him to pee and shit in, I have no idea how I am supposed to empty it. I also searched his pockets and found some cocaine and his phone, and some other useless things. First Maria, this guy, Benji, he has another girl at his home screen, and she does not look like his sister, to be honest with you. Second, this guy takes drugs? Do you want to be with a guy like that?  
Okay so let me tell you about the part that did not go well, you see Maria, Benji woke up at last and he was furious, and this is where we are now.  
“Let me out, you psychopath!” He yells at me and I just stand looking at him, when his eyes widen, and he goes backward in the cage until he meets the panzer glass. “I know you!”  
Fuck… Well, this is rather complicated, I just look at him, while he desperately tries to remember my name, and after coming with a lot of guesses, he shouts my name.  
“Beau! You’re the person who saved Maria!” Shit, he is not stupid after all, Maria, you would be surprised how people react when they know they are fucked. “This is about Maria, right?!”  
I just stand there and look at him, see how desperate he is. It is somehow funny to watch because right now he is the mouse and I am the cat that plays with him.  
“Did that bitch send you after me?”  
And I lose my anger Maria when he calls you a bitch.  
“Don’t. Call her a bitch.” I say behind my teeth and walk towards the cage, out of the shadows.  
“I’m sorry.” He says and looks at me.  
“I will return tomorrow,” I say before I walk up to the door of the basement, and he begins to shout at me, Maria, he yells all sort of dirty and mean things to me. He calls things such as psychopath and a weirdo. But I could not care less, and I know that the basement is soundproof, so no one will come for his help, because I am the only one who has a key for the basement. Besides Joe of course, but as I said earlier, he is currently away, I do not know where just that he said I was the only one who should oversee the bookstore. He has been away for some years now, and I miss him, I miss talking with him about serious things, he would know what to do with Benji and Patri.  
As I come up from the basement, Mark is managing the store like a pro, and I smile to him, like a real smile Maria. I really like Mark, I swear I do. I lock the basement and put the keys in my pocket, where they are safe and sound before I walk towards Mark.  
“Hey, Beau-tiful.” He says with a laugh before he wraps his strong arms around me, I always feel protected when he is hugging me, and I like it. It makes me think of you Maria, I wonder what you are doing right now, if you mourner over Benji or you think about me. I wonder about a lot of things, while Mark holds me in his arms.


	9. Chapter 9

Maria: I haven’t heard from Benji in a day.  
That is how you start your mail to your friends, and my happiness is low this morning, I must go to the store, but you are keeping me away from it. I can not take your phone with me to the store since Mark would be suspicious, and we can not have that.   
Ruth: He’s probably out fucking some hoe like he does every weekend.  
I could not have told you how much I like Ruth, not as much as you, but she is a good friend for you, I approve her. But let us not get started on Patricia that fucking bitch.   
Maria: Thanks Ruth, helped a lot.   
You should not be that angry, I only helped you Maria, when you forget Benji, you will come to me, I promise you that.  
I really must go to the store now, or I will be late, and we can not have that, can we? Anyway, I put on my sneakers and close my door, then I run to the store, or run and run, I walk fast and decisively.   
And I come to the store, where Mark already is, he is waiting outside, there are about one and a half hour until we let customers in. But we both like to be in good time.  
“Hey, sorry for being late…” I say when I come up to him, he smiles his most beautiful smile to me. Before he lets me open the door and we walk in. The first half hours go by with us getting everything ready, but then that is that. We have about an hour back, and normally that when we use the time to talk about books.  
“Hey Beau, could you show me a good fantasy book?” Mark asks me before I smile so much, my cheeks cramp and then with my finger, I tell him to come with me and he does. We walk in the racks, which you cannot see from the street, so they are extra hidden. As we walk, I point to different books and tell him about them, but his focus seems to be elsewhere.   
“Beau?” He whispers close to my ear, I had not noticed that he had come so close to me. I hum to him, and that is when he loses all control and pushes me against the bookshelves. His lips kiss my throat, and his tongue trails after his kisses. I breathe deeply and as he opens my jeans, I get more impatient and I step out of my jeans and panties. I feel the cold air in the store hit me down there and it makes me shiver. Before I work fast with mine and Marks hands to open his belt and jeans. Since I started to date Mark, I also started on the pill, so we would have safe sex, because I do not want children with him, no that is with you, Maria, and nobody else.   
I want to take Mark into my mouth, but he lifts my thighs up and around him, and I clung to him like a koala, let my neck roll back, so he can kiss me wet, or wetter than I am right now. One of his hands holds me up and around him with a strong grip on my ass, and I bite my lip, search for his and he takes my hint, and then he kisses me, let his wet tongue crawl into my mouth. He moans when I bite down into his lip, I am turning on the animal in him even more. I like this dirty sex in the store, it makes me crazy in a good way. I wonder, if it would ever be you and me, Maria, would you let me fuck you in the store, or would you prefer your apartment, where everybody could see us?   
And that is when he thrusts into me when I least expect it, so it is my turn to moan, and I do it hard, I moan loud and my hands take hold around his back and neck, so I would just have something to hold on to.  
I open my eyes, after I have had closed them, and I look directly into his eyes, it almost makes me cum. I moan his name, and my hands begin to move around on him, I am so close, I just think when I can feel the climax build up and I cum big time. After me, Mark cum inside of me and I can feel it, which almost make me cum again. But as he lowers me down again and we are both breathing heavy, our foreheads are against each other and his strong arms are around me.   
Mark look at the clock and the kiss me before he closes his jeans again and waits for me to get my cloth back on. When I am done with that, he takes my hand and we walk together back to the cash register, to open the store.  
We walk past the basement door and then I am reminded of one thing.  
Benji.


	10. Chapter 10

Mark just left the store for tonight, which leaves me and Benji alone.  
I whistle a bit and walk down the basement stairs. It is time for a little chat with the missing Benji. As I turn on the light, I investigate the cage and he wakes up by the sharp lights in the loft.   
“Good morning sunshine,” I say very sweetly to him before I pull a chair out in front of the cage and then I sit down. I take the bagel I got in my break and give it to him through the shaft, he just looks at me with that weird face. “Eat,” I demand. He rises and opens the shaft after I closed it.   
“I need my shit, please.”  
And by shit, he means his cocaine, which I take out of my back pocket and hold up against the cage, and I tell you, Maria, he goes nuts when he sees it. He tries to break the cage, but it does not work, trust me, I have been there, and I tried, nothing helps.  
“Let’s do a trade,” I tell him, and he calms down before he looks at me with big eyes, I can see how desperate he is to get his shit.  
“With what?” He asks, and then I hold his phone up and open the screen, so he can see that it is locked. Because unlike you Maria, Benji locks his phone with a goddamn password, where you live in this little bubble that bad things will not happen to you. But I am thankful for you Maria because you are so naïve. “No way,” he says and shakes his stupid head, but I just turn around and walk up the stairs. “Okay, okay!” He yells at me, and I come down to him again. Waits for him to tell me the password for his phone. “Two, three, two, five.” Beck? I look up at him and then I log into his phone and the first thing I do is to disable his password, so I do not have to remember it anymore. Then I look at all his apps, like you he has Instagram and uses it a lot. Which I am going to use at my advantage.   
I open the shaft, and then I put one line of cocaine down, I am careful not to give it all to him, just a tiny bit. He tries to open the shaft while I am making a line, but it is one way, so he can not open his side if mine is open. I close the shaft and he rips it open before he takes the line.  
“Oh, thank you, thank you so much.”   
I find it funny that he thanks me when he is the one being captured. Benji rolls back on his back and lays on the floor in the cage, he is totally stoned. So, I open the cage, takes his phone and begin to take pictures of him.   
“Smile to the camera Benji,” I tell him, and he smiles like an idiot. How could you even like this man Maria? He is an addict and an asshole. “Good boy Benji,” I say and clap his cheek before I go out of the cage and locks it after me. I look at the stoned man in my cage, or the cage that really belongs to Joe, but he is not here right now, so he can not blame me. I miss Joe, I miss somebody to talk to, and I miss that we did not had to talk all time, we could enjoy each other just in silence. Joe would know what to do with Benji, he would help me. The thought of my uncle Joe and the good and bad times we had together, makes me sad.   
“You know, Maria is a gold digger.” Benji claims from the cage, and to be honest I can not take his shit right now, but he still seems to catch my attention. “Have she introduced you to her rich friends yet?”  
“She actually has,” I say and move toward the cage again. Benji looks at me before he smashes his head down into the floor. He is still bloody after I hit him.   
“You’re nothing like she wants, not even as a friend.” He laughs at me Maria, but I am still sad after thinking of Joe, so I do not reply to him at all, I just stand there and look down on him. “You know, she isn’t even into girls.”   
I want to kill him, Maria, for saying such things to me, you gave me clear signals that you wanted me to fuck you, and he says that you are not into women.   
“Eat your food, Benji.” I treat him a dog because that is what he is, nothing else.   
“Are there peanut butter or just peanuts in it?” He asks before he looks at the food.   
“No,” I answer him before I look at him devour the food.   
“Good, because I’m allergic to peanuts like they could kill me.”   
Thank you for telling me Benji, now I know that about you. I just simply smile to him, before I turn around and walk up the stairs to the store. He does not say anything when I leave him today, maybe it is because he is high or because he is eating.   
As I lock the door to the basement, I sigh and look around at my little paradise, before my phone vibrates in my pocket. I quickly open it and see that it is a mail from you.   
Maria: Hey are you up to something tonight? Patricia is holding a party and I thought you might want to come with me?   
Gold digger you say? Not into girls you say? Fuck me in my ass, she wants to hang out with me, she wants to show all her friends me. She wants to be together with me and spend time with me, and now that Benji is not in our way anymore, we can finally be together, for real.   
Persephone: Sure, I will pick you up.   
And with that I walk out of the store and lock the door before my adventure begins tonight, I must get home and get dressed.  
You really want me.


	11. Chapter 11

By party you really meant party, you almost did not talk to me on the way over to Patricia or Patri as you call her. And when we finally arrived at the party, you simply told me.  
“Make yourself at home.”  
And then you disappeared, finding Patricia and Ruth, leaving me alone. Let me tell you something Maria, these people that you call your friends, they are not my type of people at all. They are noisy and drink a lot of alcohol, no, not my type at all.  
The worst thing is I dressed up for you, to impress you and you just left me. I wear a suit jacket that Joe gave me when I turn eighteen, so I could look like a writer since that was my dream to become until I had to take care of the store. I wear my blue jeans and I even brushed my hair, because unlike you, I have long hair and it is dark brown and it is dull, unlike yours. I have my blue with white stripes Puma sneakers on, those I always wear. You wear a tight black dress and a leather jacket that reminds me of the one Mark has. I told Mark that I was busy tonight, but right now I regret, I rather stay home with him, than get my heart broken by you. Maybe Benji was right? That you are a gold digger and you are not into girls.  
As I walk around, I walk suddenly into an empty room, or it is filled with a lot of books, I did not know that Patri read so much. I touch the books and look at them, take them out from the shelves and look at them, smell them. I stop at Sarah J. Maas, my favourite she wrote out, A court of Mist and Fury.  
No fucking way… It is signed, I do not even have a signed book from my favourite author. I sigh and begin to read a bit before I hear a knock on the door in here.  
“I see you found the books.” It is Patricia the bitch, she says it smarmy and leans against the door. “You’re a big fan of Sarah J. Maas?” She asks me, and I nod, before I place the book back on the shelf, even if it hurts me inside, I do it. She looks at me with a suspicious look. “It was a miracle that you were there to save Maria, right Persephone?”  
“It’s Beau,” I tell her and avoid her question, which seems to annoy her even more, and she is about to say something I know that, but then you come into the room and she shuts up.  
“Of course, the bookstore owner is in the library.” You say with a smile and comes towards me and suddenly I feel my insides twist and turn, your hips move and all I think about if they would dance with me. It makes me wet Maria, you make me goddamn wet like a waterfall. I revel and look you in the eyes. “What were you looking at?” You ask me, and my brain does not function at all right now. The way your black dress is so tight around you and your blond hair.  
“Just some Sarah J. Maas books,” I tell you and you lift one of your eyebrows, you mummer an oh, before you stand right next to me, I look up and into your eyes. “I admire that Patricia has a signed copy.” I look back at Patricia, and she looks at me.  
“Patri you could get Beau a signed copy, right?” You ask with a smile. “Personalised of course.”  
“Sure.” She says before she turns around and walks away, I can see the anger rise from her, but I could not care less, because right now you look into my eyes. I can see that you have had a drink too much, but they are so beautiful.  
“You look like a man.” You say with a laugh, and I look down at myself. I wear my suit jacket and blue jeans, and my grey shirt, do I really look like a man?  
“You don’t like it?” I ask you and you laugh a bit before we walk out on the balcony, there we stand and look down on the city.  
“I would like to see you in a dress, I think that suits you a lot.”  
I hate dresses, I want to say, but I smile at you and then I take a chance.  
“They’re easier to take off,” I say and watch your eyes darken before you step closer to me, you lean your head close to mine and we are about to kiss before you just smile and straighten yourself up. What the fuck is going on? We were about to kiss, and you back off now?  
“I want to go back to the party, would you like to come with me?”  
By with you, you mean simply being the friend in the corner, I am so fucking mad right now, you were about to kiss me, and you just backed off, how could you? I worked so fucking hard for all of this and you just friendzone me!  
“No thanks, I want to watch the streets a bit more,” I tell you before you smile and nods, then you leave me and all I want to do it scream. Benji was right, you are a fucking gold digger and not into women. I just stand and look at the sky and cars and the street, I am freezing but I could not care less, because I am so hot from anger.  
It must have been a mistake, right?


	12. Chapter 12

After the party ended, we took a cab home and we said nothing to each other. Not a single word and it killed me Maria, the way you did not even look at me. This party has been a disaster, it killed what we had together. Why did I say yes to come with you, if I had not joined you, would things be like they used to be? I wonder about a lot of this while we are in the cab, but it is me who must get off first and when we stop in front of my shitty apartment, I let a small sigh out. Before I look at you, you, of course, are looking down into your phone. As far as I can see you are texting Benji, asking where he is, you really let me see everything.  
“Bye,” I tell you and get out of the cab, I seriously must get rid of your love for Benji, somehow. You look up from your phone and smile shy to me, but I do not fall for your tricks anymore. This wicked and twisted love is killing me, Maria, you are killing me.  
“See you.” You say to me before you look down into your phone again. Irritated I smack the cab door and I begin to walk up to my apartment.  
As I come up to my level, I can hear my neighbours, they are arguing again, again, shouting at each other and I am about to go nuts of it, I can not take it tonight. I am about to smash the door when I sigh, and the door open just before me. It is Ronnie, he hits his wife and is a women hater if you could call him that.  
“What are you looking at freak?” He snares at me before he closes the door and looks up and down at me.  
“Nothing,” I say to him and get out of the way for him. He just looks at me, before he walks past me, then he turns around and looks at me again.  
“Listen freak, I know your type, you’re a weirdo.”  
Ronnie is an officer or correction, he was, right before he got into drinking and beating women. They have a kid, who sometimes borrows books from me, but that is it.  
“Have a good night,” I tell him before I open the door to my apartment and enters, I close the door quickly after me, putting the chain on. I sigh and enjoy the silence before I turn the music stereo on and I listen to some of my music. I like Indie music and rock, and that is what I am listening to right now, it is just a playlist I made.  
I take my suit jacket off and then I open my shirt, the cold air hits my bare skin and I shiver. I take off my jeans and move to my bedroom, I drop my shirt on the way and then I crawl under my huge blanket, it smells of Mark. Which reminds me that I suddenly want his strong arms to hold around me. It makes me sad, very sad, I am alone here, and nobody really wants me, or that is how I feel. I feel that Mark just want me for sex and Maria, you just friendzone me, you made a fool out of me.  
I hate that I am in love with you, I hate every single piece of it, I hate what you made me do, what you made me think and hope. I hate hope, I hate everything.  
I find your phone and I look at you Instagram, you posted a picture with Ruth and Patricia, saying you had the time of your life. Maria, this is enough for me, I cannot take it and I start to cry, and not just a sob, no, I cry hard. I howl hard and just cry with anger, I am so cold, and I begin to shake, well I try to comfort myself, but it does not help at all. I need Mark or you, I wanted to be in your bed right now and be comforted by you.  
Persephone: Hey Mark, can you come over?  
I know it is almost midnight, but I am so sad, and I need his company, I need someone to talk to and comfort me.  
Mark: Sure, everything okay?  
His question just makes me cry harder, and I just want to do something, but I pull myself together and text him back.  
Persephone: No, I really need you.  
He reads it in an instant before I see the text bubbles and he replies.  
Mark: I will be there in 5 minutes, just hang in there, okay Beau?  
I did not know he was so close to me, but I just nod, even if it means he cannot see me. I am just in my underwear and I could not care less, I want to feel him close to me, just like I wanted to feel you close to me.  
It knocks on the door, and I go out to the door, before I open it, still with the chain on. When I see it is Mark, I close the door, like I always do, before I open it again. He then steps into the apartment and closes the door after him, locks it and put the chain on, before he turns around and looks at me.  
“Beau, baby…” He says, as he quickly takes off his jacket, he wears a tight white t-shirt and dark jeans. Before he lifts me up and around him, which makes me cry, even more, I can see the tears strains on his t-shirt. He walks me to the bedroom, which I came from and he lays me down on the bed, so I can watch him undress, when he is wearing nothing but his underpants, he crawls up to me. “What made my baby so sad?” He says with a honey-sweet voice before he takes around me and presses me against his strong body. I sob now, as I clinch to Mark.  
“It’s just one of my friends,” I tell him before I turn around in his arms, so my front body rests up against his.  
“What did she or he do?” One of his hands move up to my hair to nuzzle it and it makes me calm enough down, to tell him what happened, or some of what happened, I will leave the almost kissing part out of it.  
So, I tell him about you, how you just left me and how you did not care about me at all, you just cared about your rich friends.  
“Oh, baby…” He says after I finished telling him everything, before his kisses my forehead. “Now you should try and get some sleep, I will be here with you all the time you need,” Mark says and presses me against him so closely. He starts to whisper sweet love words into my ears, and then I fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

I wake up to the smell of bacon, which makes my mouth waters, and I look around to see if Mark is still in bed, but he is not there. I look around and my body hurts, must have been the way I had to tighten my muscles yesterday, so they are sore now. I just lay in the bed and my eyes are swollen and probably red from last night, I am still sad, and I want to hide away from everything.   
But just as I pull my blanket over me even more, Mark enters the room with one plate.  
“Good morning beautiful.” He says and comes over to me, he places the plate on my night table. He crawls over me and gets under my blanket before he lifts me up, so I am leaning against his chest. “Take the plate.”  
And I do as he says, I take the plate and give it to him. Then he takes the fork and begins to feed me, feed me some bacon, eggs, and bread, I like it, I like the way he cares for me. Quickly we empty the plate, and then I just lay up against him, while he nuzzles my arm. I sigh and then I rise from the bed, even if I did not want to, but I have Benji in the basement.   
“I need to go to the store, you can stay here if you like.”   
I know it is Marks day off, and I do not want him to come with me to the store, because he would likely figure out about Benji. And that would be pretty bad for me, he would think I was a freak just like Ronnie thinks.   
“When will you be back?” He asks me and looks at me with the beautiful smile. Maria is it possible to be in love with more than one person? Because I think, I love you both in a way. I smile at him before I take my socks and jeans on.   
“I don’t know, maybe I will close it earlier today,” I say as I take my blouse on. I walk over to his side and kiss him on the lips, I walk out of the room, before I shout to him. “Just stay in here and keep an eye on my things, I’m not really that good friend with neighbours.”  
He nods and then I am off to the store.   
When I arrive at the basement, I see that Benji is indeed in there, he is sleeping. I knock on the cage and he wakes up.  
“Hey,” he says, but I am not in the talkative mode right now, so I just put a line of coke down in the shaft and a bagel. Then I close it and he looks at me, before he sniffs it, he lays back and moan in happiness. What the fuck am I supposed to do with him now?  
I turn around and walk upstairs again, leaving him alone in the dark. Then I open the store for a few hours, but nothing really happens, and it bores me. Until the very last minute, when you walk into the store. You look shy in your light sweater and jeans, but you are beautiful, even if it means I am still mad at you, I can not deny that you are so fucking beautiful. You walk over to me, cheeks blushing and hands running over each other. I just stand there and look at you, looking at all your features.  
“Hey,” You say, before you smile a shy smile to me, you are all the way over at me and it is just the desk that makes us keep a distance. “Listen… I’m so sorry for yesterday.” You finally say and look into my eyes. “I know that is was so mean of me to just leave you and the other thing.”  
“It was a dick move, Maria,” I say before I think about my words, you look into my eyes and then it looks like you are about to cry.   
“And that’s why I hoped I could make it better again.” You ask me before you lay your hand on top of mine, and you keep looking me into the eyes.   
“How?” I almost whisper to you, before you take hold onto my shirt collar, you pull me in and then you kiss me, it is a sweet kiss and it tastes so good that I am immediately wet in my pants. I want to kiss you back, but you break the kiss and look at me, it was a kiss of promise, a promise of more, and it makes me blush a bit.  
“See you later Beau.” You say with a cheeky smile, like the ones you showed me before after you turn around and walk out of the store. I just stand there and look at you, before I touch my lips, which are still wet from yours.   
I love you, Maria.


	14. Chapter 14

As I walk home from the store, I am reminded that Mark is at my apartment, probably bored as hell. It makes me feel a bit guilty and I hurry home to him.  
As I come to my apartment, I can see the light is on, which is good, it means that he is still in there. I run over the street and up to stairs and into my apartment boom, where I walk the rest of the stairs, then I knock on my door, I do not know if he has the chain on. After ten seconds, the door opens, and Marks stands in nothing but pants. It makes me blush a bit before I walk into my home and he closes the door, puts the chain on and locks the door again.   
“How was your day?” He says as I turn around to look at him and take off my jacket. I smile at him and kiss his lips. He does not taste like you Maria, but he tastes good.   
“Good, and you?” I ask, and he smiles before he itches the lowest of his stomach, which makes my mind wander to what is under that point. My eyes look at it and he follows my eyes, before he walks over to me, with a confident smile.  
“Go on your knees, Beau.” He says with such confidence.  
And I obey, as he takes a pillow from the couch and throws it on the floor, so I would not hurt myself. I look up at him with deer eyes and he tugs some of my hair behind my ear. I follow his hands as they open his belt and then his jeans. I gasp a bit when he let his dick out, which is surprisingly hard. He then takes around my head and pushes me up against it. My hands take around it and then I press it a bit, which makes him moan, I like it. I like the way, that even if he ordered me to do it, I am the one with the power over him, I control him, and I am the boss here. I will bring this man pleasure, so he will tremble, I will bring his doom upon him.   
So, I begin to kiss his dick, I kiss it and suck on it, I only tried this a few times before and I can not deepthroat, but I can give him pleasure otherwise. As I kiss the tip and let my tongue come out and lick him, he moans and grips my hair, I want to taste him for so long and when I finally taste him, I kind of enjoy it a lot. As I look up into his eyes and he locks his in mine, I take the tip into my mouth. To be honest, when I do that, he looks pathetic and he moans even more, before swearing under his breath. As I begin to suck on the tip and let my tongue flicker up and down, he begins to camps together over me.  
“Beau… I will cum now baby.” He moans, before he begins to push him deeper into my mouth, I can not almost take it, before he cum in my mouth. I cough a bit, but then I swallow it and gets his dick out of my mouth. I look up at him and he is nuzzling my hair and chin. “Thank you, it was amazing Beau.”   
“You’re welcome.” I say and smile to him, before I rise and then I hug him, like a really good hug. He smells my hair and then he pulls me closer.  
That is how we stand for some time before I break it and he kisses me.  
“I have to do some things, I will be back again tonight okay?” He says against my lips before I nod and kiss him again before I let go of him. He quickly gets the rest of his clothes on, Mark moves to kiss my forehead and then he tells me see you before he walks out of the door.  
I just gave a Mark a fucking blowjob, after I kissed you, what a fucking mess I am!


	15. Chapter 15

After Mark came back, we had sex and then we slept. I had made dinner for him and he thanked me a lot for it, kissed me even more.   
But all night long I kept thinking of you Maria, and I had no chance to check your phone while Mark was there, so I could not see what have written about me, which annoyed me a lot. But eventually Mark left and that is where we are now.   
I just sat the chain on the door and locked after him, kissed him goodbye a thousand times. Before I rushed over to where I have hidden your phone, I pick it up and immediately goes into your texts, and when I read them, I smile, but also, I want to kill Patricia really, she is in our way and I have to get rid of her, as I did with Benji.  
Maria: hearing Katy Perrys song, I just kissed a girl.   
Ruth: WHAT?! Did you really kiss her?  
Maria: I did! And it was… Amazing!   
Patricia: Maybe she thought you were weird and are not into women anyway.  
The bitch is here again. I roll my eyes before I just take my clothes on, I must go see to Benji, I can not just let him die. So, I put your phone back into its hiding spot and then I am off to the store. Where Mark is right now because it was his shift.  
Is it just me or does the world seems a bit brighter? Maybe it is because I am in love that it all seems so perfect, or maybe it is because I finally have seen the world probably?   
My walk to the store is quick, and when the doorbell rings as I open the door, Mark looks at me and smiles like the sun, which makes me smile back to him.  
“Good morning Beau.” He says and helps the customer, he is currently helping. Right before he walks towards me and kiss my forehead. It makes me giggle a bit and then I look at him.  
“I have to clear some things in the basement, but then I will be right up, okay?” I ask him, and he nods before he let go of me. I take my keys and unlock the basement door and then I walk down the stairs after I locked the door after me.   
I turn on the light and investigate the cage when my heart stops.  
There is no Benji in there, he is gone. I run over to the cage and look into it, but he is not there. I can feel my heart beat like a maniac and then I begin to scream, I get a mental breakdown. All sort of thoughts run through my head, did I forgot to look the door into the cage? How did he get out?   
That is when I look at the doorknob and see the note on it. My heart stops and with shaking hands, I take the note.  
I took care of your problem, Persephone.  
That is all it says, which can only mean one thing, uncle Joe. Uncle Joe is the only one besides me, who has a key to the basement, he is the only one to use my name and not my nickname. It must have been him, but I wonder how he took care of my problem and why he did not say hello to me or talked with me about it. It makes me sad, but I am also scared, does Joe knows about you or Mark? And if he does, does he approve it?   
I sigh and look around one last time before I walk up the stairs and locks the door to the basement again. Marks looks at me.  
“Everything okay Beau?” He asks me, I think he can see how confused I am.  
“Have you seen my uncle Joe?” I ask him and look into his eyes with shimmering eyes. I feel sick somehow.   
“No, I haven’t, why?”   
“I’m just missing something,” I say before I suddenly feel very dizzy.   
“You don’t look that good Beau.” He whispers to me before he makes me sit down on a chair.  
“I think, I will take a day off, can you manage the store?” I feel nausea coming, what could Joe have done to Benji? I rise and then I take my jacket on before I look at Mark. “Will you come over after?”  
“If you want me to.” He says with a big smile before he kisses me and then moves closer to me. “Of course, I will be there.” He says against my lips, then he let go of me, and I walk slowly out of the store.  
I am thinking about you, Benji, Mark and Joe, all in my head and it feels like my head is about to explode. What happened to Benji, what is going to happen with me, what if someone finds out something is going on? Or worst case, you find out that something is shady about me, and then you do not want to see me.


End file.
